[Two Pronged] My boyfriend is too close to his girl bestfriend. Should I be worried?

'I recently found out that she used to have a crush on him back in the day, though he says it was never mutual. He swears that she's like a sister to him, but I've noticed the way she looks at him sometimes'

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Jeremy has a master’s degree in law from Oxford University. A banker of 37 years who worked in three continents, he has been training with Dr. Holmes for the last 10 years as co-lecturer and, occasionally, as co-therapist, especially with clients whose financial concerns intrude into their daily livesI’m in a bit of a dilemma, and I hope you can help me out. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now, and everything’s been great—for the most part.

Of course, all romantic relationships need to be based on some element of compromise and accommodation. Ideally partners should be entranced by every aspect of each other, but real life frequently intervenes and stumbling blocks have to be negotiated, with frank discussion a much better long term solution than a ‘grin and bear it’ approach.

Her having a crush on him—no bigee, imho, especially since he knew about it already. It’s not as if the scales fell from his eyes when he heard about it and thought: “OMIGOD, she loves me! And I love her too but never realized it.” Mind you, I wouldn’t say it doesn’t matter how you feel if you were someone who wrote as if she had tendencies to be paranoid. But you have come up with actual behavior indices that explain why you feel as you do, and these indices seem reasonable to me. For example, is there something in her history that makes her need your boyfriend to drop everything when she calls? If so, it’s up to you to decide if you want a boyfriend who feels such a commitment to someone else.

Here are my answers in the order you asked them: I don’t know…not until you talk to him about it and see what’s what. Confront, I feel, is not the way to go. It implies some anger and a “gotcha!” vibe.. The purpose of your conversation is to understand what is truly going on, not to prove who is right or wrong.

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