HONG KONG — When was the last time someone really listened to you, was attentive to what you were saying and whose response was so spot on that you felt truly understood? And when was the last time you listened to someone without thinking about what you wanted to say next, without glancing at your phone or jumping
These are some of the questions that author and journalist Kate Murphy raises in her book, You’re Not Listening — What You’re Missing and Why It Matters.
Mr Michael Nichols and Dr Martha Straus, co-authors of The Lost Art of Listening — How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships, explain that the essence of good listening is empathy. “Listening is a two-step process. First, we take in what the speaker says, then we let him or her know it. “What do you wish would happen?”, “How else did you feel?” and “I imagine that must have been hard for you” are a few examples of this.
“People usually aren’t looking for solutions from you, they just want a sounding board,” says Ms Murphy in her book. Instead of asking questions such as “Wouldn’t you agree… ?” or “Don’t you think… ?”, ask open-ended questions. Find out what excites or aggravates them, their daily pleasures, or what keeps them up at night.
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