Like it or not, I know that emotion is waiting to ambush me. Perhaps it’s time to face it head on – with a cup of tea, writes Emma Beddington
Like it or not, I know that emotion is waiting to ambush me. Perhaps it’s time to face it head on – with a cup of teat’s 20 years this week since my mother died. That’s preposterous but also, apparently, factually accurate. My elder son was one and he turned 21 this spring . It’s not that it feels recent, more as if it happened in another dimension, the foreign country of the past.
But it is true that we think about people we love dying and the day it happens, so surely it is better to mark the moment than to let it ambush you, maybe having to pull over when you’re driving because a particular Joni Mitchell track plays on the radio and you can’t see the road for tears. Isn’t that exactly where ritual helps? It gives the emotion a context and space for expression without frightening the horses . I have been thinking I might like that this year.
It seems other cultures do this better. There’s the night-and-day-long burning Yahrzeit candle, simple and lovely. China and Japan have words and rituals for death days; they give alms in Sri Lanka, and prepare an anniversary banquet with the dead person’s favourite foods in Vietnam . I like the Korean custom that involvesto honour your loved one.
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