Three days to grieve your spouse: finding privilege in life and in death

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Three days to grieve your spouse: finding privilege in life and in death
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Bereavement policies in the US are dismal, leaving workers without time or pay to grieve

distinctly remember reading the bereavement leave policy in the employee handbook when I started my new job as a 22-year-old recent graduate. Three days seemed short to me, but if paired with a couple of sick days it would probably be enough to take a week off to support my family, help with arrangements and travel to a memorial service if an older extended family member passed away.

But I didn’t go back to work on Friday. I didn’t get out of bed, eat, or shower that day. In fact, I didn’t go back to work for three months. On the same page as the bereavement policy, the employee handbook detailed the organization’s specific short-term disability leave policy. With a note from a healthcare provider, I could apply for it and take three months of fully-paid leave. My benefits – medical, dental and vision insurance – would remain active for the entire period.

Heather Marks, 52, also received three days of paid bereavement leave through her job after she lost her spouse John in 2018. Unlike me, she couldn’t extend her leave. Heather found herself back in the office before her husband’s funeral.

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