Raising a child with autism, severe allergies – or a life-threatening illness – can upend family life That’s when ‘advanced parenting’ skills can help, says paediatrician Kelly Fradin
, it reads as a reassuring hand on the shoulder to any parent who sometimes looks in the mirror and thinks, “why do we have to deal with this?” It’s a manifesto for how to become the parent you suddenly need to be in a situation you never thought you’d find yourself in.
“I try to encourage parents to persist, to speak up and have the confidence to seek help,” she says. “Keep going out there and telling them this isn’t right. I can’t necessarily contact all the doctors, or change the length of visits and the time you have to spend with a doctor, but I can encourage parents to persist.”
. “You have to ignore the ones you don’t have time for and educate the ones that you do. The unseen labour of doing all that weighs heavy.”Do not be afraid to speak up for your child. You know your child’s condition best, especially when it’s still undiagnosed. Look after yourself first: you’re in this for the long haul, and your child needs a parent who isn’t burned out.
Also be cautious about who you listen to and ask yourself why they’re involved in this community: are they trying to sell you a course, or an alternative treatment? It’s healthy to be wary at first. And just like with any form of social media, people only share online what they want others to see. The advice of others can be invaluable, she says, but take what is useful to your family and feel confident to discard the rest.
“If I insist Sonny goes to school on a day when the anxiety has peaked they will push back against that and have an awful day and will be coming home absolutely exhausted. Then what happens is that you will have a big meltdown at home. They are in their safe place and there will be that big explosion.
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