Princes William and Harry are just the latest brothers to endure a shattered bond. But recovery can be possible, even after decades of estrangement
he three decades that Angela, 56, didn’t have a relationship with her brother were like a bereavement, she says. “You could say ‘at least they’re still alive’, but they’re not there, so it’s not really any different. The milestones you’re not sharing – when I met my husband, when I had my family …”
Sibling conflict has been around for as long as humans have had siblings: Cain and Abel, Elizabeth I and Mary I, Noel and Liam Gallagher. The princes William and Harry are just the latest high-profile siblingsan interview with ITV on Sunday There can also be longstanding issues for siblings to deal with, says Lucy Blake, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of the West of England and the author of. This could be favouritism, “whether that happened in childhood or continues on into adulthood, or abuse”.
Gareth, 54, and his brother fell out in December 2003. He was hurt that his brother failed to call him on Christmas Day, but of course it wasn’t really about festive greetings, but something bigger – their father had died a few months previously and they were both dealing with grief. The 17 years of estrangement was hard, says Gareth, especially while his children were growing up. “He missed out on everything.
Wait for an opportunity – it could be anything from a birthday to an occasion that means something to you both, especially if it is associated with good memories. Blair advises sending a card or note, rather than a text or email which are “less powerful. Say something like: ‘This made me think about you and how much fun we had together.’” It should be enough to nudge them, and by focusing on the positives, make it clear you want to repair the relationship.
If you are considering reconnecting with a sibling, Josh Smith, a family therapist with Relate, says be prepared for your brother or sister not to be ready, but that may change. “Just because your sibling doesn’t want to be close now, it doesn’t mean they won’t want that in the future.”
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