My hair resembles seaweed, and not the kind you can eat at a sushi train
None of my colleagues comment at all. This is how they must see me every day, I think – a horrifying suspicion that makes me even more frazzled. So far, so Bridget Jones.
At lunch, I rummage through my wardrobe for a skinny scarf. The best I can find is a tie, which I wrap loosely around my T-shirt in a manner which almost certainly makes people cross the road when they see me., however, would be proud. I am finally ready to walk to my local cafe – where I decide, much to the chagrin of all around me, to order in a British accent that I will not be replicating here for fear of being punched.
On the way out, someone on the street is taking a photo of a tree. I imagine myself as Keira Knightley in Love Actually: the unwitting subject of her secret admirer’s camera lens. Except there is nothing unwitting about this situation and also my secret admirer does not know I exist – yet. To rectify this, I manoeuvre my way towards the tree and stand very still, not breathing, in a position I think is “effortless” and “chic” but is actually “deranged” and “contrived”. I fantasise about ending up in the background of snap after snap, making this street photographer fall in love with every click of the shutter.
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