Research has found the hardest time of a couple’s relationship might just be after they have a second child. But why?
In the early days and months of parenting, we can feel ourselves drifting from the shorelines of ourselves and our partners, unsure if we’ll ever make it back. To make it through the storm, it helps to remember that even positive change can be challenging. Change is, after all, inherently
Close couples accept that some of the intimacy elements will be put to one side temporarily after a baby and are confident they are just waiting for the opportunity. They might acknowledge a shift in their relationship, but it is a different kind of dissatisfaction to those who feel like they are living parallel lives after having children; that their relationship has become transactional; or who had children as a conscious or unconscious attempt to resolve underlying problems.
Muir also found the year following the birth of her second of four sons was hardest. Her “perfect” first baby grew into a normal two-year-old who pushed and snatched and had meltdowns. Meanwhile, her second baby had reflux and cried constantly. There was also a loneliness she wasn’t expecting. “As a second time mum suddenly you’re bound to home by sleep schedules and meltdowns.”Let go of your expectations of being a perfect parent, Muir advises. “Kids don’t need perfect parents.
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