Panicking Neil deGrasse Tyson Starts To Fade From Reality After Scientifically Disproving Own Existence

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Panicking Neil deGrasse Tyson Starts To Fade From Reality After Scientifically Disproving Own Existence
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NEW YORK—Murmuring “no, no, no” as he feverishly scribbled equations on a sheet of graph paper, a panicking Neil deGrasse Tyson reportedly began to fade from reality Wednesday after scientifically disproving his own existence. “Dear God, the numbers, they aren’t adding up—and if that’s true, then by my calculations, I…

NEW YORK—Murmuring “no, no, no” as he feverishly scribbled equations on a sheet of graph paper, a panicking Neil deGrasse Tyson reportedly began to fade from reality Wednesday after scientifically disproving his own existence.

Perhaps I misused Einstein’s theory of relativity? The universe must somehow support the existence of a devilishly handsome astrophysicist with infinite charm, wit, and six Emmy nominations. Think, Neil, think. No, you’ve been given god-like powers of scientific judgment. You’re never wrong.

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