Opinion: The John Tory Affair: Is a 37-year age gap a breach too far? From city hall to Hollywood to ordinary women, how do we judge the “grandfather gap”? And should we?
It’s not the job of my column to delve into the details of his affair and resignation, or to get into the workplace power dynamic. What I’m interested in as a three-quarter lifer — one who turned 68 this week, making me the same age as the mayor — is that 37 years. The grandfather gap. Not because it’s commonplace; it isn’t, as the data will show. In my own life, too, I don’t know any men or women in relationships with people young enough to be their children or grandchildren.
I’ve spoken to a couple dozen people, ages 21 to 76, and one of the themes is that for women under 30, their frame of reference for an older man rarely goes beyond a 10-year gap. “Intellectually, my position is that whatever people want to do is fine.” I’m now talking to Alison, who at 37 is completing her PhD in clinical psychology at York University in Toronto.
“But if you factor that gatekeeper dynamic into a relationship with a much older man, I will also question the man’s motive,” said Alison. “I’d feel like a pawn in a man’s quest to feel young and powerful, to spread his seed. As a therapist, I would always be questioning power and balance in that kind of relationship.”Science Advances published a study
“I’m a no,” said my friend Heather, 64, when I asked her if she’d have sex with a man 37 years her junior. Heather is recently retired from a high-powered, international executive role, and has had the opportunity to date a considerably younger man, which she declined.
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