New year, new you? But why, when the old you is perfect as it is | Eva Wiseman

Planning to sail across the world – or re-watch all nine seasons of The Office? I know which I’d prefer, says Eva Wiseman

Planning to sail across the world – or re-watch all nine seasons of The Office? I know which I’d prefer

Instead, I will try digging into the very guts of me, the laze and the slime, the most awful honesties and grim-witted shames. I will wallow there for a while, in a bath of my own soups.

While the new you might start to learn such skills as “posture” and “small talk”, the old you can be found covered in a towel typing into the comment box from a foetal position. At parties you are the one standing alone in the frigid garden pretending to vape in order to avoid the worst question in the world: “So, what have you been up to?” Where would you even start? What have you been up to? You worked that poppy seed from your teeth.

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