I work full-time and have my own place. He lives at home and has no regular income. After five years, I don’t want to hurt him, but our goals seem incompatible
in my 40s and struggling with breaking off a five-year relationship. My partner is kind, affectionate and emotionally open, but I’m having huge doubts about our compatibility. I’m buying my own place, which is stressful,
I find myself trapped and stuck, not wanting to wound someone so kind. He is a wonderful man but I can see we are ill-suited in the long run. I feel concerned that I’m keeping him around as a friend. Heend it. This is playing on my guilt about wishing to leave, as well as my fear ofon us and finding someone new – a daunting prospect. Something has to change. I just can’t seem to find the right words, or way to do it.
If you are intent on breaking up, you need to have one clear conversation. “Go to a neutral setting, like a cafe,” suggests Ben-Ari. “Tell him that you are parting with good memories of a kind and loving relationship and maybe also an understanding of the ways you contributed to your challenges as a couple. Then state that you do not see any future and that you don’t want him to hold out any hope of getting back together.
Mackenzie is interested in the alpha female/beta male dynamic, something women can feel conflicted about. “He might offer what you need – emotional support and nurturing.” Is it possible that a more evolved version of the relationship might actually be great? “We have a joke in therapy that goes: ‘Yes, you definitely deserve a new partner. How about working with the one you’ve got?’”
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