ICYMI 'My mind is completely shot': Why this transgender woman is seeking assisted suicide
, whose members have expressed a desire to move expeditiously on the bill when they resume sitting on March 7.“I know that I won’t last that long,” Meadows said.
“Our understanding of mental illness remains so primitive,” said Andrew Scull, a British-born distinguished professor of sociology and science studies at the University of California, San Diego.
He isn’t a doctor or clinician and knows he needs to tread carefully: “You don’t want to go too far. You don’t want to say drugs never, ever have a positive effect, that they’re just ‘psychiatric poison.’ I don’t believe that for an instant.”Still, asuggests many Canadians are uneasy with the idea of MAID for mental illness, finding just three in 10 Canadians surveyed supported the concept.
“It’s a very complicated business deciding whether people with these mental travails can put an end to their lives, and that physicians can be asked to assist in this process,” Scull said.Article content“My mind is a battlefield,” Meadows wrote in a letter to MPs and senators, urging them not to postpone MAID for those with mental illness alone. “I’m tired and I’m in great pain and I want it all to end.
“I’ve got to be honest. I’m very afraid that she’ll get herself so worked up into a rage, that she’ll go out and really hurt somebody.”When she was four, her mother took her on a shopping trip with a neighbour and the neighbour’s young son. Both kids were seated in the backseat in their car seats when Meadows, unprovoked, attacked the other child, yanking out a fistful of hair.
People who have undergone years of unsuccessful attempts at treatment “are not necessarily irrational when they feel recovery is unlikely, or when they refuse to wait for therapeutic advances whilst experiencing intolerable suffering,” Queen’s University bioethicist Udo Schuklenk and colleagues“The intensity of suffering in severe mental illness can be equal to that of the most severe physical conditions.
All areas of medicine have their limits, perhaps none more so than psychiatry, Scull and others said. The brain remains a stubborn enigma, the underpinnings of mental diseases unknown. A breakdown in the communication between neurons, a biological dysfunction rooted in the brain. Difficult life circumstances or traumatic experiences. No one can point a finger and say, “it’s this and only this,” and here’s a cure.
When she went through puberty, “the real violent side came out.” She was rebellious, and aggressive. An honour student throughout high school — she has above-average intelligence, according to the forensic report — Meadows was bullied a lot, the white nerdy kid who would set off firecrackers and smoke bombs in the smoking area, where the tough kids hung out, and once in her high school cafeteria. The bullying “created a lot of feelings of victimization and wanting to get back at people.
“The evolution of my psychology has become very fractured, very diametrically opposed, where, before, I did have a very much grey area. Put on a mask, act kind and caring. Now, I’m either altruistic, overly generous, overly kind, overly caring, or I’m just too much of the bad. I can no longer maintain the balance. I see those two things pulling apart.”Article content
Meadows goes to a popular Barrie nightclub on weekends. She’s allowed in for free. She stays away from alcohol, and drinks water only, or Red Bull. She wears tank tops. She stands out. She hasn’t tried to change her voice, to one more feminine sounding. “I’m not trying to fit in with regular biological women, because I recognize I’m not a biological woman,” she said. “I love transgender people. The goal is to be passable.
He runs a geriatric psychiatry clinic. “Every day when I admit new patients to our clinic, they are totally hopeless. They have been going in a downward spiral for months, and everybody thinks, ‘OK, somebody is really losing their mind.” Meadows said she is clear in her mind. “I am 100 per cent confident that I’m never going to recover enough where I enjoy life.”
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