Letting this continue might not be best for either of you, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Try using distance as a boundary
Please help! How can I manage this with kindness, while maintaining being a source of work support, while not being detrimental?Sometimes you try to fill someone’s emotional support bucket and find out it’s more like a sieve.
But the risk is those small soothing mechanisms mask what is really needed: making changes. It sounds like vent sessions to a wearying colleague are not actually what this woman needs. You say she’s been through a great deal and needs supportive relationships and possibly a professional to talk to. Trying to get the comfort of those relationships from work is not going to be an emotional success in the long-term.
So, how can you establish firmer boundaries without causing a conflict? The best thing would be if she could think it was her idea: if you slowly became a less satisfying person to vent to. Perhaps you could focus on slowly winding down the amount of time you spend together – if it was three hours this week, make it two and a half next week. Slowly introduce excuses that mean you can’t spend time together .
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