I don’t know how I expected this seminal conversation with my daughter to go, but I know it wasn’t like this
For a start I was, if not hungover then at least very tired. I’d been to a poker night the previous evening. It wasn’t wild - I’m a father of two in my 40s, after all - but it was far enough removed from my usual collapsing onto the couch that I was not exactly chipper on this rainy Saturday morning. My wife didn’t summon much sympathy, though, as she kissed me goodbye and headed off on her girls night away.
Perhaps if I’d had my faculties about me, I might have come up with a semi-plausible explanation for this list of items that bore remarkable similarity to those which Santa had carefully placed in their pillowcases weeks earlier. As it was I froze, like Rudolph in headlights. Despite her prior suspicions, she was still visibly taken aback, presenting a look not dissimilar to mine in the kitchen two minutes earlier. While she came to terms with her world being turned upside down, I rushed out a jumbled justification for our subterfuge these past seven years. Nice tradition, mum and dad love you so much and want you to be happy, blah blah blah.
Ultimately, I was saved by the same curiosity that got us into the mess in the first place. Instead of tears, I was greeted with questions - lots of them. You could see her little mind ticking over. The elves? The Easter bunny? The tooth fairy? Each imaginary assassination loaded another layer to my burgeoning pile of guilt.
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