He’d brought a Sainsbury’s carrier bag full of gifts. I can’t stress how unusual this was – ‘out of character’ doesn’t begin to cover it
t was 2001 and my second and final stepmother was, I think, still trying to civilise my siblings and me – an unbelievably stupid aim. We ranged in age between 10 and 22 when we met her and were already pretty well baked, even the 10-year-old. We spoke to our dad the way we spoke to him, which was to ask him for money and berate him for historical wrongs. It was just our way of saying hello.and falling asleep in taramasalata.
I just assumed that she’d done all of it – chosen the gifts, wrapped them and put them in his paw on the way into the house – but that was a mistake, because she gives lovely gifts and these presents were. He had got my younger sister a novelty set of four mustards, the jars in the shape of numbers, to spell out 2000. They were in a presentation box that bore the word – I’m not joking – Mustardlennium.“But,” my sister said, “it’s 2001.
Mine was clearly a book, and come on, I thought, how insulting can it be? He reads, I read, there are loads of books in the world that are good. I unwrapped Kafka’s Milena: Life of Milena Jesenská. “Kafka’s muse!” said my father in delight. “She was a journalist.” I was on fire. I’d just got a job at the Guardian. I was really pleased with myself. I emphatically was not hanging around coffee houses, waiting for a contemplative, brooding and overall quite difficult genius to notice me.
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