I’m lonely, in my 30s and find it very hard to make new friends | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

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I’m lonely, in my 30s and find it very hard to make new friends | Ask Annalisa Barbieri
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Social anxiety and a dislike of party culture can create a void of loneliness, but there are ways to beat the fear

and friends have drifted for various reasons . My two closest friends live abroad and while I love them dearly, I really miss the in-person aspect, especially after the everything-virtual nature of the pandemic.

We are wired for real life connection and I think what you say about everything being virtual during the pandemic has had a real impact on many. But, loneliness can also come about in company, when we don’t feel seen or heard. I note you say you’ve always struggled but I wonder if you feel particularly lonely now? I have to ask: is your relationship fulfilling?

Anxiety about how we might come across – and worry that we won’t be liked – does seem to underpin most social interactions. I wonder how different we’d all feel if we could see what everyone else was thinking in these situations. Most likely, the same thing: more people feel like you than you may realise. But if your self-esteem is low then it’s hard to accept this.

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