'I suddenly feel strangely exposed to the judgments of the straights.'
barely shows any real sexual intimacy. It’s almost as though the creators knew that people were ready to hear queer stories, but not quite ready to see queer love. In some ways, I think I internalized that, too.
For many queer people, physical intimacy feels very contentious. Many of us were told that queer sex was immoral or gross, and straight boys in school would follow up hugs or any form of physical contact with a stern “no homo.” I’ve had many serious relationships, but in each of them, I’ve been weary of being too physical with my partners in public — in part for fear of our safety, and in part because I’ve been conditioned to keep queer intimacy behind closed doors.
Maybe it’s because I grew up sneaking out of my house to go to gay bars or meet up with strange men, often older than me, keeping it all under wraps. Even though I have all the support I could ever wish for now, those feelings of secrecy and shame that I carried with me for 19 years don’t just disappear. In fact, I’m willing to accept that it might take the rest of my life and a whole lot of therapy to undo them.
I hope these new queer shows and movies that are no longer afraid to show us what healthy queer physical intimacy can look like signal the beginning of a new era. Sex can be a beautiful part of any relationship, and all queer people deserve to feel fulfilled in that way, on-screen and -off. Straight people have seen other straight people love each other on-screen since the beginning of TV and movies — it’s time we got that, too.
I am so happy that the next generation of queer people might grow up seeing people like them being physically intimate with each other. Maybe when they start dating, they won’t automatically look over their shoulders when they hold hands with the person they’re with. Maybe they’ll know that they deserve happiness, and will not accept relationships shrouded in secrecy. And maybe they’ll teach me a thing or two about not holding my breath when I see us expressing love out loud.
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