It can be difficult to realise when to give up hope in a relationship, but at a certain point you might have to, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith
It can be difficult to realise when to give up hope in a relationshipThu 23 Mar 2023 14.00 GMTI’m a little over 50 and have been in a long-term “situationship” with a man a little older than I am. Mostly it’s fine, and useful on a practical level, but I often find myself confused and hurt over emotional matters and not being included in his life outside of his house.
I’m coming to realise I’ve allowed this to carry on while feeling I’m not getting much of what I need. I think the situation is not very good for me. Staying around feels as if I’m half alive, but when I decide leaving is my best option that leads me down a path of despair. How might I change the situation? Or leave intentionally and finally?When the situation we want to change is a matter of someone else’s decisions, the strategy for changing it is almost always: “We can’t.
But at a certain point that’s what we have to do. “You can’t eat hope,” as the saying goes: we need sustenance in our relationships, not just the possibility that we might get it someday. This isn’t necessarily a death knell for the relationship: some people have reasons for acting stilted in emotional conversations, or fearful of the needs of others. What matters is whether that resistance is something he’d like to push through, or whether it’s his way of telling you exactly how much you can expect from him. Only you’re in a position to assess that, but I’d bet your first thought was the right one.These things don’t need to feel like conflict or tragedy.
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