CNA Insider explores whether filial norms, such as giving parents an allowance and living with them in their retirement, still carry much weight with the younger generation, and the reasons why.
SINGAPORE: Caught between her parents’ example and her own life pursuits, Xin Yi finds herself in a dissonant state.
“My mum would say, ‘You need to visit several times a week … to show that you care,’” said Tessa, 27, who also declined to give her full name.“There are already so many expectations in a traditional household that you want out of it,” said Tessa, who plans to visit once every fortnight after she moves to her Build-To-Order flat with her fiancé.
So she gives her parents the 10 per cent cut they expect, although that is not the way she wants it to be. For 23-year-old Sarah Ridzwan, who works in an advertising agency, giving her parents an allowance must be context-dependent. While his parents are not expecting to live with their sons, Tessa’s parents want her elder brother, who is married, to house and care for them someday.
Their parents are not unique in this sense. Many older adults may struggle with loneliness as they age. “My mum wants to stay with me and my brother until she passes away,” shared Sarah. “She’s very clingy in that way.”Commentary: The role reversal between parent and child, as ageing takes a toll on familiesIf her elder brother had not decided to be the one who would house and care for their mother in future, Sarah envisages having to put her in a retirement home.
University freshman Lex Lee, 21, figured that the kind of support parents of young adults would need may not look like what was expected in the past. “Back then, filial piety was bound up in the idea of children supporting their parents . And you wouldn’t hear things like, ‘My children don’t give me emotional advice’ or ‘They don’t hang out with me,’” said the sociologist.
“They’ve benefited from Singapore’s economic growth over the last few decades. So those in the middle class tend to be relatively self-sufficient.” He is not the only parent holding this view. Dora Yip, another 47-year-old parent of two Gen Z children, said: “I’m trying to make sure I’m financially able to afford whatever kind of care I need when I’m aged.”Nursing homes today are nicer than in the past, so attitudes towards them have changed over time, said sociologist Shannon Ang.
Last year, 36.2 per cent of Singaporean residents aged 25 and over were university graduates, up from 4.5 per cent in 1990. This also explains why “people are less likely to accept things as the way they are”, Ang said. “Filial piety is, in theory, unconditional. But now the law is shifting, and there are conditions being attached,” Ang noted.A more significant shift, as Ang saw it, began in 2015, when one in eight Singaporeans was aged 65 or over and the Action Plan for Successful Ageing was launched.
Ang sounded a note of caution, however, about the successful ageing model — “because how many people can actually reach that ideal?” For lower wage earners and older adults with health problems, the functional and tangible support their children give them remains a necessity.It is an issue that worries Xin Yi. Her mother is a lower wage earner and so was her father — whose health has started to decline — until he retired.
“But there are always people who fall through the cracks, who’d be socially isolated, who are unprepared,” she said.
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