Competition in relationships is the need to be right, to be superior, to be in control, to make the other person pay, to dominate or hurt another.
Competition is normal, and has its place in nature, as seen in competing for a mate, sports, and playing games. It often drives the relationships within families between siblings and between spouses. As normal as it is, if competition is not understood and managed, it can be very unhealthy.
What does competition look like in relationships? It is in the need to be right, the need to be superior, the need to be in control, the need to make the other person pay, the need to control resources within a family such as finances or decisions, the need to dominate or hurt another. Competition is what the egoic mind uses to feed or fill a lack in order to feel more valid within ourselves. But competition doesn’t actually feed the lack with anything more than a temporary ego boost.
We have two choices if we notice, and are triggered by the competitive need in another. We can jump in the ring and compete with them to “teach them a lesson or knock them down a peg” or we can just notice their competition as a lack in them, and choose not to engage. If we choose not to engage, and even go as far as offering them a token of encouragement , their need to feel validated will be satisfied which may very well lessen their need to compete in that instance.
What if our own competitive nature may be damaging our relationships? The first and most important step is to have the courage to look at ourselves and our own attachments to being right and being in control. I call this “looking at our own humanity” because to compete and control is part of our very nature and has served the survival of man to this point. We all have triggers that send us into competition or defensiveness. This is totally normal and part of our human make up .
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